


Smile For Me

by xaoxngchen



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Character Study, Fuuta has panic attacks, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt No Comfort, Sakutaro was a childhood friend and died from illness, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaoxngchen/pseuds/xaoxngchen
Summary: Can you smile for me?Those words rang in Fuuta's head like a mantra.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	Smile For Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fuzen_Shimura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuzen_Shimura/gifts).



> **Content Warning: Panic attacks, hospitalisation and death.**
> 
> There's this headcanon that Sakutaro is their deceased childhood friend. And of course, because I love angst, I decided to write this. **Possible OOC for the characters as we are still unsure of how they actually are** , but I hope you will enjoy this story nonetheless!

_**Smile For Me** _

_**Words: 2726** _

_"What's this?"_

_"A saxophone, silly!" Sakutaro chuckled, "stop staring and take it, my hands will grow tired." He pouted at the end._

_Fuuta quickly moved to grab the shiny instrument from him. He caressed the smooth surface, hands running through all the keys before he finally looked up at his best friend._

_"But this must have cost a ton! Why would you get me this?"_

_"I wasn't able to give this to you on your birthday. And, didn't you mention about wanting to play a saxophone for our band?"_

_Fuuta beamed, "you remember!"_

_"Of course I do!" Sakutaro then turned to the window and said longingly, "when I get better, I want to perform on stage again with you and everyone else. When that happens, you'll play the saxophone too, won't you?"_

_Fuuta paused for a moment and looked down at the cannula in Sakutaro's hand. When all of the words had died with the breeze, only the beeping from the heart rate monitor filled the room. Every beep was loud and ironically agonizing. He then stared at his reflection on the saxophone. His lips were trembling with words he could not say, his mind was swirling with many fears and 'what-if's, but he had to break this silence._

_With great difficulty, the only words he could choke out was "I will"._

It was scary, _really scary_ , when Sakutaro suddenly collapsed after their last performance. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Aoi was screaming, Kohei ran out of the waiting room to look for help, Misaki was trying to wake him up. And Fuuta, he stood there. The grip on his microphone grew tighter as each second passed. He stared wide-eyed at his unconscious friend, slowly inching backwards as if he wanted to run away. 

Everything was a blur. He did not know how much time had passed. He did not know who had came. But Sakutaro was carried away and Kohei followed him out. Fuuta tripped on the sofa and sat down heavily, he hugged the mic closer to himself, he could feel his heart beating so fast that it would break his ribcage. There was a blur of pink in front of him and he could not make out what that was. Someone seemed to be screaming his name but he felt like he was underwater.

Aoi placed both hands on Fuuta's shoulder firmly, repeating his name to try and ground him back to reality. But the latter was practically _hyperventilating_.

"Fuuta, please—" Aoi choked on his tears, "—calm down. Sakutaro will be fine! He will be fine! Please—"

Seeing that Fuuta could not hear him, Aoi then hugged him tightly, hoping to get his attention back. The two remaining members had no idea what to do, they were scared too.

"Fuuta—" Misaki called out suddenly when he saw that the said male's eyes had rolled back. Aoi felt the sudden weight on him and laid their vocalist to lean against the sofa. He had been knocked out cold.

"Fuuta? FUUTA!"

Sakutaro never left the hospital after that incident.

Sometimes, he took strolls with the other members when he felt up to it. But those strolls gradually decreased and they could only see him in his ward. Being in the same class as Sakutaro, Fuuta would come to hand him homework and teach him what he had missed. Even when there was nothing school-related, he would still come without fail to see his friend every day.

Sometimes, Fuuta would bring Sakutaro's guitar with him and they would perform a few duets. Fuuta would let him choose the songs he wanted to play, even taking it upon himself to learn the lyrics to all of his favourite ones. The nurses attending to Sakutaro enjoyed the little music sessions, but those duets never lasted long. 

When Sakutaro no longer had the energy to play, Fuuta sang for him instead, like a personal radio. On some days, Fuuta would bring his saxophone to show Sakutaro what he had practiced. The ward room at the end of the corridor would always be filled with music every day. From time to time, there would be curious children peaking in to listen to them. Sakutaro loved conversing with the kids. At times like this, Fuuta could forget that they were even in the hospital.

But reality soon set in once again when Sakutaro went into a sudden cardiac arrest. The members were just visiting to announce the great news of being offered a chance to perform at their high school. It felt like déjà vu. Fuuta stood rooted to the ground as he watched the staffs rushed to stabilise him. There were verbal orders thrown around, shoes scraping across the floor, and frantic beeping from the heart rate monitor. Fuuta could not move, could not speak. Nausea and fear gripped at his throat and he felt like he could— _would_ —die.

"Let's wait outside," Kohei told the other boys as his worried gaze landed on Fuuta.

Aoi held Fuuta's hand gently, "let's—Let's go..."

They helped Fuuta out of the ward and sat him on one of the chairs. Kohei kneeled in front of him and said firmly, "Fuuta, listen to me."

The said boy obeyed and looked up at the blurry Kohei.

"I want you to follow my breathing, okay?"

"But Sakutaro—He's—" Fuuta choked out.

"He's going to be fine. Follow what I'm doing. Breathe in."

Aoi and Misaki watched silently as their big brother had once again stepped in to help control the situation. It was not their first time, and they did not know if this would even be the last. As Fuuta did not pass out this time, Kohei considered bringing him somewhere calmer. But Fuuta shook his head to decline. He wanted to stay here, to stay with Sakutaro no matter what. Kohei sighed and agreed reluctantly. 

At least, he was no longer hyperventilating.

"How was the performance?"

Sakutaro was sitting up against the pillows. His breathing had gotten much shallower than before, and this was the only comfortable position he had found.

"It was fun. We've received many support from the school. The principal said we can perform again during our senior year," Fuuta replied, his eyes never left the flowers that he was arranging on the vase.

"Did you guys play my favourite song?"

"Of course we did! It is our best one! I wish you could have seen all of the applause!" Fuuta grinned widely and sat down on the chair.

"I'm sure it was very rewarding!" Sakutaro then stared at the pink flowers on the bed stand, "the carnations are beautiful," 

Fuuta took one stalk from the vase and handed it to him. "I saw them on sale when I passed by the flower shop today. Since it was time to change the flowers, I bought them."

"Do you know the flower language of carnations?"

Fuuta gasped, "is it bad?"

Sakutaro chuckled, "pink carnations means 'I will never forget you'. I read about it during my time here."

"Ah...That's..." Fuuta rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and recalled that one time he caught sight of a flower encyclopedia on the bed stand.

"I think it sounds fitting. It can be a good thing after all."

"Then...I'll never forget you. I really won't!" Fuuta's eyes sparkled, and he said with so much determination that it made Sakutaro laugh a little.

"I know you won't, Fuuta. Also, don't you have band practice early today? You should hurry and not have Ko-nii scold you again."

"Ah, you're right!" Fuuta stood up and grabbed his bag off the floor, "I'll see you tomorrow then!"

Sakutaro waved to him as he watched him disappear out the door. The room was silent again, save for the beeping, like how it always had been when Fuuta was not here. He sighed and stared at the carnation in his hand.

"I've known you for a long time. You keep everything you hold dear so close to your heart, as if your life depends on them. But..."

He coughed suddenly and he slapped a hand to his mouth, his chest was hurting like hell and tears sprang to his eyes. When the coughing fit was finally over, he pulled his hand away and found pink and red. He then narrowed his eyes at the pink carnation in his other hand that was now tinged with a bit of blood, blending the tips with red like a two-toned carnation.

"...I cannot be with you, Fuuta."

When Fuuta visited Sakutaro the next day, the latter was strapped with an oxygen mask on his face. Fear begun to sink in and one word spiraled dizzily in his mind. But he tried not to think about it, he did not want Sakutaro to see him worry.

So, he sat on the chair like nothing was wrong. He talked like nothing was wrong. He laughed like nothing wrong. He—

"'Can you smile for me?" Sakutaro asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Fuuta frowned, he was taken aback by this question, "tell me the truth, Sakutaro, am I boring you?" He had been ranting about a TV show for the past five minutes and Sakutaro had not given his input at least once.

"Not at all. I just love to see your smile."

Fuuta continued to stare at him in shock. For Sakutaro to make such a weird request like this, he could not help but to think of the negatives.

"Well, if you say so..." He gave him a wide grin.

For a while, Sakutaro said nothing. It was as if he was trying to take in this sight for as long as he could. After what seemed like a millennium, he took a long sigh and gave himself a satisfied smile.

"Just as I thought, Fuuta is like a sun."

"A sun?"

"You make people happy just by looking at you and your smile doesn't ever seem to die out. Plus..." he then smirked, "you are also like a puppy."

Fuuta cocked his head to the side, "a puppy?"

"Exactly like that!" Sakutaro chuckled, "so loyal and adorable. You are always here with me and make me laugh."

Fuuta also laughed with him.

"Fuuta...Promise me that you'll continue to smile like that, alright?"

The said boy's face fell immediately, "Sakutaro..."

"No, no. Don't give me that face," Sakutaro pretended to get angry, "just promise me. Promise me that you'll keep on smiling."

The news of Sakutaro's passing reached the ears of the other members two weeks later. The one that was hit the hardest was, of course, Fuuta. After Kohei received a phone call from Sakutaro's mother, the members rushed to the hospital.

It was...excruciating. 

They paid their respects for their deceased friend and stayed with his parents throughout the way. Aoi cried the most. Kohei was putting up a strong front as usual, although a few tears did escaped from his eyes. Misaki also tried to be strong, but seeing Aoi's face full of tears eventually broke him down too. Fuuta was silent. He did not cry for the entire time in the hospital even though he looked absolutely _miserable. ___

Yet the rain that started this morning did not seemed to be stopping.

When they returned to their sharehouse at the end of the day, Fuuta retreated to his room immediately and locked the door behind him. The other members were extremely worried, but gave him the privacy he needed. They were relieved that he would finally a good cry.

Fuuta sat on the bedroom floor alone. He hugged his knees close to his body and let out a quiet sob. Sakutaro...had not left his mind ever since. That boy, only a few months older than him, was like an older brother just as Kohei was to him. The five of them had met at a very young age and Sakutaro was the whole reason this band existed.

Back in primary school, Sakutaro came up with the idea to form a band after they watched one of Aoi's little keyboard performances. Everyone swiftly agreed to make music together as it could improve their bond even more. They then formed a band as an after-school hobby with the support of Aoi's parents, who were musicians. They picked the instruments they wanted to learn and had lessons with their parents' permissions. Soon, what was once a hobby became something that they had decided to continue and pursue together.

That was the beginning of Fujin RIZING!…

_Can you smile for me?_

Those words rang in Fuuta's head like a mantra.

_Promise me that you'll keep on smiling..._

How could he promise him something like that? Could he still smile when his best friend was no longer around? Could he be selfish like this?

Fuuta banged a fist on the wooden floor, fresh tears flowing freely.

"I hate you, Sakutaro. How can you tell me to smile when you are the one who had left me?" He choked back his tears, "it hurts...it really..."

He finally laid eyes on the saxophone that he had kept carefully beside his bed. That particular boy's face now formed in his hazy mind and he reached for it. He stared at his own reflection. He truly looked like shit. If Sakutaro was here, he would definitely laugh. But if Sakutaro was here...

The sparkles in his eyes faded as something ticked in his head.

_...he would want to see me smile instead...won't he?_

"If that's what you wish...I will smile for you," he said as the corners of his lips curled up slowly. He caressed the instrument once again.

"I will smile for you...Sakutaro..."

The members of Fujin RIZING! had finally finished another day of band practice. The moment they had all returned to their sharehouse, Fuuta immediately sat down in the living room to clean his saxophone.

"Today was so fun!" Fuuta smiled to himself as he polished the instrument, "let's have more fun tomorrow! Okay, Sakutaro?"

Kohei watched silently from the entrance of the kitchen. Fuuta had been doing this after he had gotten back up. He did not know when, but it probably first happened when Kohei accidentally walked into him talking to his saxophone. Once when Aoi tried to express his worry for Fuuta, the latter immediately got all worked up and yelled about them wanting to separate him from 'Sakutaro'. Since then, the three childhood friends collectively decided to let him be. It seemed that projecting their dear friend onto this last gift was his way of coping.

"Oh right, Fuuta."

Kohei blinked back to reality when he saw their newest member Yamato walking towards the living room. He gasped inaudibly and sped towards him.

"Can I have a moment of your t—" Yamato's mouth was suddenly covered by Kohei's hand and the former was taken aback.

"Listen, Yamato," Kohei whispered slowly, "no one disturbs Sakutaro Time. Do you understand?"

"Wh—What the hell..." Yamato mumbled.

"If you have anything to ask him, can you do it after?" Kohei continued, silently praying that Yamato would not question it.

Yamato raised an eyebrow, "sure..."

Kohei heaved a small sigh of relief when Yamato walked away. He glanced over at Fuuta who was still oblivious to what had just happened. He smiled softly, then returned to the kitchen to watch Aoi's dinner preparation.

"Ko-nii, for how long are we keeping this from Yamato?" Aoi asked as he chopped some tomatoes.

"As long as we can. I'm not sure what Yamato will do if we tell him about Sakutaro. He speaks his mind and Fuuta will probably not be able to take it."

Aoi hummed in agreement. The kitchen fell silent before Kohei continued.

"Yet...I'm worried about Fuuta."

"We don't have the capabilities ourselves to help him. But the least we can do is to watch over him. Besides, with this..." Aoi looked up at Kohei, his eyes glassy with tears. He continued, "...we can see his genuine smile, can't we?"

Kohei caressed his head soothingly, "honestly this guy...he really makes people worry."

"If he doesn't take it too far, I think he's still doing okay. And if anything does happen, we'll be there for him. We'll be with him when he smiles and we'll still be with him even when he cries, because we're his best friends and support..."

Kohei sighed, "you're right...We are..."

_...the only ones who truly know this side of the band..._

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! Thank you for reading <3
> 
> Thank you Cam for powering me through writing this fanfic!!!!!!


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